I Am
Not My Hair
I
was seven years old when I got my first relaxer. I remember the day before,
standing in front of the mirror pulling on the loose strands around my
ponytails and watching them bounce back tight and fast. I have three older
sisters and a white best friend, her name was Katy, and they all have long,
straight hair. When I asked my grandma why my hair wasn’t like theirs she
replied, “Child, cause Shae nem got a perm and you got nigger hair. Honey you
ain’t white like Katy.” I didn’t really know exactly what that meant, but I
knew it wasn’t “good hair”. I didn’t have a choice in the matter of relaxing my
hair then. I watched her open the box of
Just For Me and about an hour later,
I pulled that strand and it didn’t bounce anymore. My ponytails swung
everywhere with every movement I made, longer than I’d ever seen them before. I
let out a sigh, a breath of relief- my grandma wasn’t calling my hair “nigger
hair” anymore. Why not though? After all it is just hair right?
It is twelve years later, and I now have a choice in the
matter. I Am Not My Hair, so I am
going natural. That’s right you heard me loud and clear. I have a choice to
make this lifestyle change that will make old routines null and void and force
me to shape another way of presenting myself. It makes me limitless, flexible,
it makes me natural because it makes me… me. It was always “my house my rules”
where I lived, so even in high school I had limited input on what I did with my
hair. It was always, “Here, go down to the shop and get this done- Don’t you
dare cut your hair that short- Don’t color your hair that color! What’s wrong
with you?” Oh please, let it go.
It
is because of people like that that I am going natural. No, I’m not some freaky
activist or a member of some organization determined to take out some hair
manufacturing company. This isn’t some 21st century Black Panther
hair movement. We who are in transition just want our hair and our lives back.
We want back what most of us had taken from us when we were younger because
nobody appreciates what we’re born with anymore. You deprived us of this
appreciation because it’s something you didn’t value and you never quite gave
us the chance to pick a side. I’m not following a trend, I’m following an
instinct. It just so happens that at this point a lot of women are having the
same instinct as I am. We’re not followers, we’re becoming leaders. We’re
leading you to feel pretty in whatever form you see fit. As a matter of fact if you don’t want to feel
pretty at all we’re cool with that too. If you want long, straight hair, go for
it, but don’t knock us for thinking it’s overrated. Long hair does not make
pretty hair, and pretty hair does not necessarily mean pretty people.
You can insinuate that I won’t look as professional as
you, go ahead, we’ll just shoot it down. Just because it took you $200.00 and
three hours in a chair to pull your look together as opposed to my splash of
water and a hair accessory does not make you the better candidate. You think
our hair is unruly; we find your disgust at what you once had amusing. After
all, you did have to start somewhere, or has that perm fried too far down into
your brain? What I have in my head is not reflected by the strands that grow
out of it. I’m working just as hard as you, curly hair and all. I stay up all
night making sure the numbers are crunched; the paperwork is finished, and
still manage to leave an apple on our bosses’ desks and a smile on our client’s
faces. We are no different than you. I know the media has standardized beauty
so you look at us as awkward because we’re different than what you see on TV,
but I promise the only difference is in the choices behind this life we live.
How
about we break the divide now and call it a truce, and let’s respect the
natural hair. No more “nigger hair”, no more sideways looks when we walk in the
shop for a trim and wash, it’s just hair. It doesn’t make me pretty. It doesn’t
make me superior to you, and it doesn’t make me inferior to you. Can we accept
the fact that we are not our hair and just move on? Relaxed and natural alike
we are who we are and nothing can change that but ourselves. Just to think, in
nine more months or so, I’ll be able to pull that strand of hair and watch it
bounce like it used to when I was a child. Only this time I won’t think it’s
unnatural and this time I won’t mind it making me look different, because I am
different. And despite my hair and what you think about it, I’m going to make a
difference. I won’t let my hair define me, because in this life it matters to
me who I am while I’m here- and I damn sure won’t be my hair.
No comments:
Post a Comment